so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
