My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
