Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize