I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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