I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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