did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
