I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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