all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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