Swine flu is the new snow day.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
