I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
