You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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