Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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