hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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