I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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