She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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