Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
