No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize