The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
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