Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
