Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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