just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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