so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
