How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
