The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
