Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
