do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize