I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
My ATM looks so different sober.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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