i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Never joke about your clitoris.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
