nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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