honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
