You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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