My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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