We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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