So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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