honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
