you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
