ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
