Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
