Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
