I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize