i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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