Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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