My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
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