Cold hands, warm shart.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
