Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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