i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize