yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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