I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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