Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
