Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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