i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
