i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
