where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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