never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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