You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Randomize
