I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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