Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
