im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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