she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
