I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
