Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
4 words: hood of his car
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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