bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
