I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
