So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
