I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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