how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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