i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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