i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
