Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
