First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
we should paint friendship bongs
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
