roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize