Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Randomize
