I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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