If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
