i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
