Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize