9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
